She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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