this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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