Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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