It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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