I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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