glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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