apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I believe in your delicious
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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