Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
