I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
