You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
