Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
