K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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