the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
operation harelip BJ is a go
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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