I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
