I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
