I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
