I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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