Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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