She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
