so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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