Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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