hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
