its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
