tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
