I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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