i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
