Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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