I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
