I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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