dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
