In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You took a bar mat shot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
