Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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