I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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