I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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