It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
