There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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