ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
