My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Found your dick twin last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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