If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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