So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
