i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
