Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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