I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
