This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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