ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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