I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
