Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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