There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
