Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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