he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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