I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This is the prime rib incident all over again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
