is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
