I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
