I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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