perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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