i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
