Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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