I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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