party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
