he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
