and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
