i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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