had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
