So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
