I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My vagina is officially offended.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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