If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you. Go after that dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
