Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
