Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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