Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
