you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
