My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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