Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
